dad's view

Jeff Shelby is a full-time author and a stay-at-home Dad. Jeff's mystery novels, Wicked Break and Killer Swell, have both appeared on the Los Angeles Times and Denver Post best-seller lists. He also serves as a writer/reviewer on the book site, MyShelf.com.

Give Me A NO!!!

November 17, 2008

For the most part, I've been willing to let my daughter have a shot at anything she's shown an interest in. We're in our third year of dance, something she's not mastered in any way, but something that she continually shows excitement toward. We're in our third season of soccer, something she's starting to get a little better at and is still enthusiastic about. We've recently started karate, something that she badgered me about for a while before I finally gave in and signed her up and that has proven to be good for her self-confidence. She's taken almost three years of swimming lessons and it is probably the one thing that she does at an above average level for her age. I've said all along that I was willing to expose her to anything that she expresses interest in and then we can sit back and see what sticks.

Everything except one thing.

Cheerleading.

I could tell you I have nothing against cheerleading, but that would be a big fat outrageous lie. And I'm sure any past or current cheerleaders who read this will take some offense. That's fine. I'm not afraid of cheerleaders, even in the shape of a pyramid.

Now I could make lots of cheap jokes about cheerleaders, jokes that tie into every stereotype you've ever heard about cheerleaders. But the stereotypes don't have anything to do with my objection to my daughter becoming one. And I'm well aware of the athleticism, discipline and time commitment it takes to be part of a squad.

I just don't like what cheerleading, particularly at younger ages, represents for girls.

I worked for several years at an all-girls high school and it was eye-opening to see the differences between a traditional high school and one consisting of a single gender. The differences in the behaviors of adolescent girls when boys aren't around was striking. They were more confident, more willing to be themselves and willing to take more risks. They didn't have to worry about what the boys thought of them every moment of the day and when the time came to interact with boys after school or at dances or sporting events or parties, they were more confident in themselves both as people and as decision makers.

And they never had to think of themselves as second class citizens, which is where my rejection of the idea of cheerleading comes in.

I see no reason why young girls need to take a spot on the sideline in short skirts and makeup and expensive hair-dos to cheer on boys. Yeah, I know – they probably cheer at the girls games, too, but let's face it – they don't go out for cheerleading to cheer at the girls softball games. They go out for cheerleading to cheer at the boys games, to support the boys teams and then hope the boys notice them.

The entire idea turns the girls into the subservient gender and plants that seed in their minds early on that perhaps boys are more important than girls. Participate or support? The notion of cheerleading in my mind encourages a girl to support rather than support. You can argue all you want that cheerleading is participating, but until I see a boys cheerleading squad at a girls volleyball game, I'll go ahead and disagree with you.

Down here in Texas, the pressure to get involved in cheerleading early is intense. Classes are offered for three year olds and there are girls in my daughter's class who are happy to talk about all the different kinds of cheerleading moves they learned at their cheerleading classes. They love to where their little cheerleading uniforms and cheer at flag football games and youth basketball games. Start early down here or you might as well forget it – you'll be behind the curve.

I've told my wife all along that I'd be the bad guy when the time came, that I'd be happy to be the one to say that cheerleading would not be on the agenda. My wife, who agrees with me, just asked that I not go off on one of my long-winded rants about the evils of cheerleading so that she might not repeat some of my words to her little friends that might, indeed, have an interest in cheerleading.

So the question finally came up recently. The local high school was putting together an introductory cheer camp and a flyer came home in my daughter's folder. She asked if she could go.

I was ready.

I said "Well, cheerleading isn't something I'm crazy about. Do you know what cheerleaders do?"

"No."

"They cheer. While the other kids get to play."

"Oh."

"So let's think about this. Would you rather cheer for other people or would you rather have other people cheer for you?"

Without hesitation, she answered "I want people to cheer for me. Like at soccer, when I score a goal."

Y-E-S.